Inkblogging from MUJI NOTE

Used my WACOM BAMBOO capacitive touch stylus for most of the inkblog entry. Experimented with a playful handwriting style. Added a cool dual-tip brush pen to my Amazon wish list as well. Please let me know if you like the look of this entry; I'll try to keep them relevant as well. I'll save the rambling for text.

In the process of consolidating my blogs while doing some housecleaning — literally and figuratively — online and offline. Stuff has a way of piling up, and with the nerve problems and myoclonus, cleaning and organizing is slow (and very painful). It reminds me of the tortoise and the hare.

iPad inkblog attempt, 2012

I really don't know how this will turn out. I miss inkblogging, however. If you like it, please let me know.

Ready, Set, Wonderful

On occasion, I think I'm thinking too much.

I see a commercial for a new cereal, something about raisins or cranberries, the commercial isn't important to me — I'm not buying. But then I think, "berries!" immediately think of raspberries — how good they taste and why that is — ethyl formate. Naturally, it's impossible for me to think about raspberries without thinking about Star Trek. (most recently, the synergistic nature of TNG, DS9 and Voyager, and the dichotomous, Enterprise).

This connection exists because ethyl formate is the unique substance that adds vibrancy to the cosmos, the splashes of color we see from our little blue ball (aided by a telescope not-so-small). When I think of space, I think of deep space, and there's only way we could get there within a lifetime (and maybe get back): warp drive. I think warp drive, I think Star Trek... but not Star Wars. 'Wars happened a long time ago in a galaxy (other than ours) too far away to be relevant. (Geek joke)

Here I sit; in pain but able to focus and filter extraneous thought, but why? I am trapped by known and undiagnosed disabilities, unseen and difficult to quantify — I feel restrained by intangible chords of various lengths and strengths. At times, I can go for a short drive or walk; at times, I can't leave my bed — my freedom is retarded — but I don't let it stifle my mind. (There is something, ineffable to me, that could one day take from me the use of my favorite abilities, but presently, it's immaterial.)

Insert interesting segue, here. Hah. I almost wrote Segway. I could really use one of those.

At times I envy people with musical talent; specifically the ability to compose and sing. I lack those talents, and haven't developed any knack.

I can write a poem, but without a voice, I feel that it lacks empathy. I could draw, paint, maybe even sculpt; but I won't achieve the emotion delivered in song. Perhaps that's human nature — and why record sales and radio plays outnumber museum visits and talk radio shows.

I think a song could give me a branch to climb, a tree to lean on, and a stance against my condition. Maybe with a voice, I could build a connection to the world beyond my apartment walls. Then again, I've heard that the grass is always greener on the other side...

Isolation stimulates creativity but not necessarily relevance.

From outside, what a crazed, irrational mess my mind might seem. I put pen to paper or digital ink to tablet, share the result, and people say, "Wow, that's really cool... ummm... what's it supposed to be? What does that mean?" Sometimes people read my writing and conclude that I'm asynchronous with reality (sounds nicer than crazy); I hear second-hand, "what the heck is he talking about?" and think, it makes sense to me. Then I think what are they thinking, what kinds of secrets are locked in their minds, what are they afraid to share? Meanwhile, I visualize glass houses, all nearly identical, lined up in rows running down suburban streets and spread across a vast landscape like sheep across a field.

I'm not the crazy one, you are!

No, you're the crazy one, not me!

I'm crazy?! I'm not the one who...

– an excerpt from a conversation between him and himself.

Like Yin and Yang, I see an upside with every downside. Trying to make the best of something bad, finding the silver-lining (ooh, a cliché!), I attempt to convert disability and chronic pain into ideas and use the downtime to stimulate thought. Somewhere, in agony, I've lost my filter. I say things, occasionally (maybe often) annoying people — ruffling feathers (another one!) — because I want to promote exploration and generate new questions.

Once on a blue moon (hat trick!) I'll inspire or impress someone directly. However, I've also been told, more than once, that my writing is excessive, convoluted, or entirely unwanted. (I know, ouch.)

Mostly, negative comments remind me of cereal commercials for some-new-something, advertised as better than ever, while undoubtedly still made from the same grains and ingredients as the old stuff. That old, rebranded breakfast, complete with orange juice, milk and assorted fruit —surrounded by a fake family that never stops smiling — makes me think of berries...

Fire alarm at 2am

So, in case you haven't seen my Bradtastic tumblr, here's a recap.

Around 2AM Saturday morning, the building's fire alarm was triggered. Slightly disoriented, I wondered if it was a drill; no, not at 2 in the morning... perhaps a false alarm? It keeps buzzing, at maybe 150db. I check my phone — no call from the building.

So I grab a few important items, grab scarves and a sweatshirt and head down the stairs. Floor after floor, I see no one else, until halfway down, one person joins us. At the bottom, exhausted, we meet up with a small, confused crowd; a moment later, we're out the door and into the rain.

A few dozen people are loosely gathered in front of the building, alarms blaring — making conversation difficult — not that anyone knew what was going on. No sign of a fire, however.

The Oakland Fire Department took over thirty minutes to arrive; by then, dozens more joined us in the cold, wind and rain. It takes another half-hour to determine the cause of the alarm — we were told that it came from the roof. More time passes, and the verdict is in.

It wasn't a false alarm... it was deliberate.

Some asshole pulled the alarm on floor 15 "as a joke," we were told. Firemen gave the all clear, and people started heading back up. I wasn't at all amused. Someone could have been hurt during the evac; while certainly preferable to an actual fire or emergency, the joke scared children and pets and wore me out. I'm still aching.

I hope the perpetrator/s get/s caught.

Happy New Year! 2012

Kiss 2011 goodbye, welcome 2012. I think it'll be a better year. Still trying to deal with the disability. I'll try to be easier to reach in he new year; no guarantees, however. With the nerve problems, it's hard to "do" sometimes.

Talk to you next year!

Pain and Sickness

I seem to always get sick around holidays. My disability is making it harder to recover. I'm doing the things I'm supposed to do, diet, nutrition, etc... but my throat is raw and my nose won't stop running. I'm running out of tissues and my temperature keeps fluctuating. Oh joy.

I hope tomorrow is better. I've been sleeping during two-thirds of the day and I'm still exhausted.

Changes, says Brad

Things have been sort of static. Many changes this year; friends, people, politics, society, work, health. If I had more time during the day to do things, you'd probably be able to read all about it. As things are, I just can't keep up. Kim Jong Il is dead now, though. Merry Christmas.

So here's what's going on. I'm spending time on illustrations, science, physics and general design, and I've been looking into my disability, health and general well-being. Made some discoveries. I've gotten a lot of great ideas this year from Apple, Disney, console video games and iOS apps (and their developers).

I'm going to try to get out more, and use the iPhone's good-enough camera. Instagram, Hipstamatic, Camera+ and a number of photo editing apps make iPhotography really fun. I've been thinking about switching to 4S (8MP camera, Siri and Sprint — AT&T SUCKS), but I'm hesitant, because of the 3GS. I think the iPhone 5 isn't far away and will be a major upgrade over the 4S, and will share hardware with the iPad 3. Why wouldn't Apple do this? The iPhone 4 form factor isn't that great, and it'll soon be surpassed by Android alternatives (some think that this has already happened). I'm excited about a retina display iPad.

If you have an iPad and you like games, oh wow. Infinity Blade II, GTA3, Bard's Tale... how many hours of fun is that?! Enjoy it. This is an amazing time, despite the turmoil that the world is going through. If life outside is looking too bleak, step into Skyrim. It's great there — you can kill dragons!

I want to share more about health, fitness, self-defense (these are crazy times) and my disability, and this is probably the place to do that. I don't need Typepad. I've tried to like SAY's service, but I just don't, really. If I knew how to properly monetize my blog, it might be worth it, but I'm not sure that I'd want to do that. I wouldn't mind advertising on my blog, but I'd want to advertise Bradtastic Approved things, things I use and love. Maybe there's content there worth saving; I'll have to spend a few hours going through it and figuring out what to bring over here... maybe I'll setup a few pages with the best of the best content.

I've decided to change my diet and focus on super foods and micronutrients. Veggies, fruits (I love satsuma oranges) and some mercury-free fish every now and then. No more red meat. More brain foods.

There are a few people I'm interested in spending more time with... I'm going to change my schedule to accommodate this change. I think I need to. I had so much more energy in Disneyland because of the sheer number of people there... it was amazing. It felt like 2008; needing only a few hours of sleep, that sense of true clarity. And now that the weather is more to my liking, it's the perfect time to take advantage. Of everything.

Enjoy the holidays. Life is short.

iPad for Christmas

It's a strange time of the year. People act weird, in the bay area, even the weather is weird. Me, I started juicing today. Stephanie and my mom convinced me to watch Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead and it got me thinking — I could try this juice thing.

The first glass I could hardly get down and keep down. It was partially the taste, and had something to do with the texture, smell, and the way it felt like it was rolling through my system. I suppose it was mainly the smell and knowing what was in it. I suppose that the color had something to do with it, too.

Anyway, that's all beside the point. I was thinking about things that I'm thankful for — some years ago, I made a Thanksgiving shout out style blog entry that I'd thought about recreating/updating... oh well — and my iPad is pretty high on the list of the things. I could go on for hours about the people and events, but that's likely beyond superfluous.

This device gives me the power of a notebook computer with enhanced functionality. With it, and apps like Splashtop, I have a device that lets me do basically everything except finalized design work. I can create and conceptualize, doodle and sketch, write, browse the web, play games, talk to people, watch videos, movies and TV, and perhaps most importantly, I can forget about my pain and disability for a few minutes here and there.

The device is so powerful and the App Store has so many great apps. Just recently, Rockstar released the 10 year anniversary iOS edition of Grand Theft Auto III! A few weeks earlier, I got The Bard's Tale, an epic action RPG from some years ago released on PC and PS2. They both look great on the iPad 2. I like to play games on 360 and Playstation 3, but I'm not always physically feeling up to it. (Sad, I know.)

I don't have the 4S, but I'd probably like Siri just as much.

Anyway, there's a lot going on in the world right now, European debt crises, Occupy, upcoming primaries and presidential election... it's a complicated place. The iPad greatly simplifies things for me, putting together several devices and what would be hundreds of pounds of magazines, books, and other resources into one simple, fairly lightweight device. iOS may not be for you, maybe you like Android, or you don't like tablets at all. I'd really like a WACOM tablet or Cintiq screen, but I don't know if I need those things urgently. If I had a MacBook Air, I would probably love that thing a lot, too. iCloud is pretty cool.

Happiness may be hard to come by, in short supply, but find it wherever and however you can. The games I play and the other media I consume makes me a better designer and artist. The articles I read make me a better thinker, and hopefully someday, a better citizen.

Hopefully I can write before Christmas and 2012, but if you don't hear from me or see me, know that if you were ever at all important to me, I've thought about you a lot, and for now, I think I'm doing sort of okay. I could really use some help, too, but I'll manage for a little while. Don't just ignore people around you in pain; someday, it could be you or someone you care about, and you might want someone to care about you.

[Oh! I can help with your app needs, at least. I know a lot about iOS and its goodness. Check out Infinite Sketchpad and AppShopper.]

Occupy Superfluous?

It's been three-or-so months now, and all that's obvious about Occupy is that it's a disorganized, largely leaderless, self-proclaimed "movement" that likes to set up tents and camp in urban jungles, and they occasionally build things and throw things (I was going to include links for those... find them yourself — I'm blogging from Squarespace's buggy iOS app on iPad). Maybe it's the pot. Denis Leary says marijuana leads fuckin' to carpentry.

I've tried to ask neighbors and passersby for information about Occupy. No one seems to know much. The 100% I've spoken to goes home after work, turns on the TV or reads a web post about how Occupy (insert city name) was raided by (insert city name) Police Department, with reports of violence on both sides. Then the mayor is interviewed, and states that the camp was closed over health and safety concerns, but that the city will continue to support the Occupy movement. Great.

Lastly, two personal notes.

Mr. Alec Baldwin, aka now deactivated Twitter-junkie @alecbaldwin: a game of Words with Friends? I play. When I remember to. Also, I don't fly on American Airlines, either. At least you've "played a pilot before," and have acted as yourself, having played a pilot, while playing a pilot next to another actor playing a supposed real pilot concerned about your potential piloting in a Capital One commercial. That must count for something. Somewhere.

Occupy, can you try to convince the Oakland PD to fly their helicopters farther away from Lake Merritt when they're going to raid you? It's really loud. Thanks.

Until next,
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(I love the future post feature.)